You don’t have to be Famished to be Fabulous

Stop doing what doesn’t work!


My objection to the word EXERCISE has been noted several times this week, always linked to my complaint about how FAT I am, and how I can never be the weight that I want to be,… blah, blah, blah, boo hoo, woe is me etc.

I know I am not alone in this way of thinking, I have had several clients of late express their fear of the coming summer days. ‘What will I wear?’ ‘Oh no it’s Chub Rub time again.’ ‘And the sweat and chaffing…’

So, what is it that stops me from doing the things that I know would make a difference to my figure and therefore my level of satisfaction with regard to my body? You know, like… eat less, exercise more, rah rah rah!

The No. 1 thing that stops me getting what I want, strangely, is the thing that you might think would help drive me forward the most,… my vision of what’s possible. Normally a clear vision of what you want is inspiring…right? But the thing that actually gets in the way most is being totally attached to my goal weight and an ideal image, because they require more work than I am actually prepared to do. This leaves me miserable, riddled with guilt and feelings of failure.

I am not committed to my goals at all. And I am not alone. And right now is the time of year when we have to wear less clothes, which in my mind means EXPOSURE! I really do appreciate the layers of winter to cover the layers of me. It’s the time of year we start making resolutions and setting goals for the coming year (sometimes secretly) to lose the weight.

When we want to change something such as our weight we often apply the New Year’s resolution approach: We set a goal, we use willpower to move ourselves towards the goal. How effective is this approach in the long-run? In a 2007 study in the U.S. 3000 people were tracked while attempting to achieve a range of resolutions including losing weight, visiting the gym, quitting smoking, and drinking less. At the start of the study, 52% of participants were confident of success. One year later, only 12% actually achieved their goal.

Mind the GAP

There is a GAP between my attachment to the way I want to look and my commitment to taking the actions to get it. And that GAP is full of GUILT and SHAME, because what I say I want, and what I do about it, are not congruent.

What do I mean by the words COMMITTED and ATTACHED and how are they different?

Attachment looks something like this:
“Truth is, I am really attached to having a size 10 (Australian sizes) waist, hips and bum, then I will be sexy and attractive, only then I can feel good about myself.”

I have been there before, as a young woman, but not in the last 10 years. The last time I was that slim it took months of depriving myself of food on a strict Weight Watchers program, I lost 13 kgs back then and I put more than double that back on after my 3rd child over a period of about 10 years.

Whilst I know that I could actually get back to that weight and size again, I also know that it is quite impossible for me to be committed to taking this kind of extreme action. I don’t like depriving myself everyday and I don’t like the feelings of guilt every time I break the rules of my diet. It is like perpetual deprivation and punishment loop. It is not sustainable.

I recently tried the Fast Diet also known as the 5-2 diet with some great results, but it too felt like deprivation (I had massive headaches and couldn’t concentrate on my work) and after a couple of months everything plateaued and I lost focus and stagnated. My husband however has had brilliant results on the same program and it prompted me to investigate what was different for him. It turns out he had two things I just didn’t have. A realistic and sustainable vision of what was possible and a commitment to living rather than being thin.

Committed looks like:
“I am mindful of the choices I make with regard to food intake and movements. I choose sustainable options for my life, and I enjoy my food and exercise”

I know that many of my clients are dealing with the GAP in their lives in one form or another. And as a coach I think it is important to be able to stand by the things you say and believe. I believe that we can create LIVES WE LOVE. And so it is time, ‘to walk the talk’ as they say. And here I am armed with my new vision of a healthy, happy me, that is free of dieting for ever more. I am embarking on a journey with some short term goals which are aimed at building myself a sustainable lifestyle, loving my body and enjoying my food all the way through the silly season. I am calling this journey Fifteen Weeks to Fabulous and am going to share the juicy bits with you. This week I join a gym and get P.T. It totally goes against the grain, but I have decided I am no longer committed to being uncomfortable in this body. I am COMMITTED to being fit and energised. And the GAP between where I am now and what I’m committed to, doesn’t seem as huge as the one between where I’m at now and the vision I was attached to before, which when we really look at it, looked a lot like taller, blonder, thinner, younger and an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON.

blog-famished

Discovering The GAP – This is a journalling exercise that I did as part of working out what the gap was. I wanted the thin and slim quickly, attached to a vision of perfection. What I needed to consider was what I was prepared to put into loving myself thoughout a sustainable journey. (I created this on a 1965 copy of NEW IDEA)

5 replies
  1. Thea Bates
    Thea Bates says:

    You have just given me the right language to make the right commitment. That is now today’s objective- to name it and declare it to myself.Thanks heaps!

    Reply
  2. Shelley Menhennet
    Shelley Menhennet says:

    Wow – Davia – this is fantastic!. I too am allergic to exercise and find myself utterly exhausted at the end of the day so swanning off to a gym or something like that is just nigh on impossible. The only thing that ever really worked and made me feel so much better about myself was when I was walking early in the mornings, about 6.00am. After reading your stuff above and not bothering to even attempt stuff that I know won’t work it is time to get back to what I know does work. A simple, stress free, CHILD FREE, 1/2 hour walk around and about my local area, which I did for about 8 months the last time I did it, really did tone up the muscles, and most importantly, made me feel better about myself! It also started the day off positively and I was well and truly ready for brekky when I got back. So, you’ve convinced me that tomorrow is the day to get back into it as I have been thinking about it for ages but not had the motivation to start. Thank you and I’ll let you know how it goes. Give Thea a hug from me and have one for yourself too!
    love, Shell XXX

    Reply
    • Davia
      Davia says:

      That’s fantastic news Shell! It really is amazing how liberating it is when you stop thinking of the things you SHOULD do and start thinking of the things you are actually prepared to do and can do. One thing I am interested to know also is what made you stop doing something that you enjoyed last time? That’s a big question I have for myself as well, as my whole intention is to close The GAP and be living in a sustainable way… just something to think about. I will interested to hear how you go and I will let you know too (I’ll be blogging about my experience), wishing a load of lovely sunny mornings for you to get you going strong.
      Dx

      Reply

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] what I hope will be the beginning of many trips to my local gym. I have finally decided to close The GAP between the image of my ideal self that I have been attached to for years, and the self that I am […]

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *