Warrior – original painting by Davia McMillan

Fighting my natural tendency to plunge head first into the deep end

I recently discovered that I was fighting my natural tendency to plunge head first into the deep end and was toe dipping instead. This I discovered was holding me back, big time.

Having been encouraged, told, cajoled and virtually pushed to take action I have continued to hide out and play it safe, despite knowing that what I really want is just a few steps away and that I have the skills to carry it off. Sound familiar?

Imagine after a long cold winter, that first really hot day, when the sun is bright and you suddenly find yourself all sweaty and bothered at the waters edge of the local pool. Taking a deep breath and smelling that icy cold water now.

The water like glass, sparkling in the sun. The surface unbroken, calm, blue and freshly inviting. Do you find your self dipping your toe to test your mettle? Is the water too cold?

Do you intuitively know that once you are in you are going to love the experience?

Do you intuitively know that once you are in you are going to love the experience? Are you cautious and wade in slowly, allowing your body to adjust to the water temp an inch at a time? Danger zones… First the crotch and then the nipples. Eeeak!

For as long as I can remember I have been a plunger and a leaper. I have always figured that just like ripping the Bandaid off quickly, it is better to get the pain and the shock over and done with and just get on with enjoying myself. Yes I admit it, quick gratification is my style. I like a direct line to quick satisfaction, chocolate wonderful, sugar fantastic, coffee glorious. Sweet powerful endorphin rushes. Mmmm…

When I was at high school I prided myself on not being one of ‘those girls’ (rolls eyes back into head) who crept to the waters edge still cloaked in her towel, only to squeal and squeak like a mouse as soon as a drop of water touched her skin. I laughed in the faces of ‘those girls’. I thought them wusses and called them chicken, scaredy cats and princesses. I was a brave warrior, scarred of nothing (nothing I would let them see) . I have always prided myself on being tough as steel. I was there to beat the boys into the water, thereby proving I could do anything they could, only better.

I realise now that I’m a toe dipping princess after all

But recently I realised that I was a toe dipping princess after all. Scared of something unseen and unnamed in the water, I was being overly cautious and running into the change rooms, squealing and flapping my arms about, still wrapped in my towel all before giving myself a chance to get wet, let alone sink or swim.

Business coaching improves your approach, gives courage and can determine your success in business, self expression, promotion and leadership.

Working with one of my coach colleagues yesterday in our regular mentors circle, I tackled that unnamed thing. My fear. Specifically my fear of being perceived as stupid, silly, ignorant, a dreamer and a fool.

A fear that my bathers will suddenly appear translucent

Quite unbelievably and irrationally I have been going against my natural tendency, choosing to be a wuss over and above doing a belly whacker, for fear that my bathers will suddenly appear translucent and I will be exposed as the terrified little girl I really am under all the bravado.

The BFO

The BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) is that the people I was hiding from and scared of embarrassing myself in front of are also standing beside the pool in varying degrees of nakedness, hesitation and anticipation. We have this in common and if I take time to notice their discomfort mine diminishes.

Fear lives inside shame

All metaphors aside, my fear lived inside the shame I had attached to self promotion. My fear of authentically sharing who I am and what I can do, in a business such as coaching this is a lonely and boring change room to hang out in, especially when others are having fun getting wet one way or another.

If you are unsure about how to take the plunge or how to even test the water, consider using the services of a credentialed coach such as myself. Drop me a line or give me a call and we can discuss how to get you courageously leaping into the things most important to you, and have you being a warrior in no time.

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 Why you can’t create ART or your LIFE on a blank piece of paper.

Many people tell me how lucky I am to be able to draw and be creative. Most of them believe that they are not at all creative and that being so really takes something that they just don’t possess. I feel the same about sport and being athletic, I’m not! However I can lug a 20kg bag of cement on my shoulders without breaking a sweat and I can steer a barrow load of wet concrete up a flight of stairs via a narrow plank and then over a bridge without spilling a drop (not an easy task) and if these things don’t take some mighty physical skills I don’t know what does.  The point is that sometimes we think we aren’t one thing such as being a good painter or drawer and we miss the thing that we ARE good at such as sculpting, singing, sewing, cooking, parenting or creative play with children and all manner of things that are actually quite creative but that we give no credit to.

Participants of DUST LIVE

What age were you when you decided that you either were or weren’t good at drawing?

Is there an event or specific time in your life where you can remember this happening?

The DUST LIVE workshop which was held in the DUST exhibition space was a huge success because were able to put aside the limiting beliefs that we have held for such a long time, beliefs about just how good we are at being creative. We focussed on having fun with the materials at hand. One outstanding feature of this workshop was the fact that we began with an imperfect canvas, NEWSPAPER. Why? Because, when a page is already contaminated, by a smear of dirt, a splash of paint, finger prints or even writing and photo’s, there is nothing to destroy, it’s already been useful it’s now rubbish, it was heading to the bin anyway. So you can’t wreck it, it’s either FIXED or it’s F@&ed. o you might as well have some fun!

            Blank Pages can be really intimidating!

Life is Messy!

The parallel between LIFE and ART is that Life is also very messy. There is always stuff to deal with, history and current obstacles are constantly in our way. So when it comes to creating a LIFE WE LOVE we are faced with all the things that tell us this is IMPOSSIBLE! However when we have creativity as a tool and we know ourselves as creative individuals we are better placed to work with the materials we have.

Our life pages always have lists, of things we must BE, DO and HAVE and sub headings that define us such as Mother, Daughter, Son, Carer, Partner etc. We are never free of an existing story about who and what we are. Our pages are marked already

Understanding this makes several things available to us.

• We can accept the story as is, and keep heading in the direction we are currently heading. As they say if nothing changes, things tend to stay the same, which is fantastic if your life is all lit up and you bound out of bed in the morning ready to embrace the day, everyday. Your world must be rocking. Don’t change a thing!!!
• We can choose another path entirely. Easier said than done!?! Yeah right… I’ve got 3 kids and a mortgage. LOL
• We can work with what we have, using our creative selves and create a life that inspires us, enriches us and challenges us to grow and to nourish ourselves like we truly deserve.

Here is a photo taken whilst setting up for the Grand Opening

My own negative self talk and beliefs about my abilities as an artist and creative person, had me delay actually having a solo exhibition for over 10 years. I just couldn’t believe that anyone would be interested in what I had to show and say. I hung out in group shows and was somewhat reluctantly happy (is that a thing?) to hide behind more successful people. It finally took the death of someone very close to me (it often does take something epic or catastrophic to shift us doesn’t it?) to get me asking myself what it actually was that I was waiting for. I was waiting to be perfect and to actually know what I was doing, to be accomplished and acknowledged already, for the planets to align, to have my ducks in a row and the wind in my favour etc. etc.

In short, it was never going to happen. Now, you here people say crazy things like  “Just trust…,  Jump and the net will appear.” Well, that’s all well and good, but I was standing on the edge of a cliff with choices in every direction. What if I jumped in the WRONG bloody direction? It’s scary, right? Yes, but I got myself some assistance. I got a coach! And she helped me to be brave and nut out what was most important to me, she guided me through the muck to unearth a sheet of paper that I could create a new picture of my life on. I am happy to say it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I am now bursting with enthusiasm to share it with anyone who is up for something more in their lives.

Because, when a page is already contaminated, by a smear of dirt, a splash of paint, finger prints or even your story about who you are and what you do, there is nothing to destroy, it’s already been useful, it’s now rubbish, it was heading to the bin anyway. So you can’t wreck it, it’s either FIXED or it’s F@&ed. So you might as well have some fun!

If you would like to find out what’s possible for you book yourself in for a complimentary half hour consultation. Get in touch here

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